Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
