I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
