just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
