I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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