I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
