i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
