Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
