Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
