I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it glows. i had to have it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
