How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
