i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
