either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
