I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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