Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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