Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
being pregnant is like rehab
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
