one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
