How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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