dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
cat food counts as protein by the way
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
