He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
