My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
