I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
