My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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