No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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