dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
