Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
