Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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