If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
