goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
