You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
