Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
