i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
