Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
