turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
