you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
