She's JV to your varsity
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
