we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
