I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
