Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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