ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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