i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
