im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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