You can't special order awesome
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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