So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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