yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
