Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
