What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So many bounce houses so little time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
