I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I won the penis lottery.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
