Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
