Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
