fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A+ Viking dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
