shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
