somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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